Happy Independence Day!

Tomorrow is the day that we Americans traditionally celebrate our independence by setting off explosives and drinking too much beer.

I prefer a kinder, gentler celebration, myself. I also like to think about the many meanings of “independence” and how they’re showing up in my life. July 4 is a nice sort-of-halfway point between the hoopla of New Year’s resolutions and the end-of-year taking-stock that can happen on Thanksgiving. So with 2009 half-over, here are my reflections on independence.

Independence as growing up

For instance, as children grow, they are supposed to develop a healthy independence from their parents. I see it in my own children.

(I’m not talking about them getting their own apartments quite yet — they’re still in elementary school! But every little step, like my son’s first sleepover and my daughter’s first Girl Scout meeting, is both a joy and a miniature heartbreak. Parents, you know what I’m talking about.)

I see it even in families with adult children (I’m at a family reunion this holiday weekend, reconnecting with people I haven’t seen in awhile, watching how families grow and change, mostly for the better).

The key word is healthy. Healthy independence is possible even in close-knit, loving families, of course. It doesn’t have to involve rejection or renunciation. But sometimes those things happen anyway. And then in the dance of family drama, sometimes the breach is healed, and sometimes not. A generous dose of time sometimes helps.

The push and pull between the families we’re born into (our parents, siblings, cousins, etc.) and the families we choose (lovers, spouses, children, close friends) can bring out the best and worst in us. My challenge is to let it bring out the best while remaining conscious and intentional. I guess that’s a challenge for all of us, actually.

Independence from worry

That leads to the subject of emotional health in general. For me, this whole year has been a journey to independence of an emotional and psychological kind. Which, paradoxically, has involved a greater reliance on friends, family, colleagues, and others for certain kinds of healthy support. There’s that word again. Hmm.

And there’s been a lot of questioning on my part about what I deserve. Do I deserve success? Do I deserve sadness? Do I deserve to be treated in certain ways or not in other ways? And I think I’m getting ready to be tired of that talk.

Know why? I do not want to live in a world where everyone gets what they deserve. In that world, there would be no unfair advantages or cheating to get ahead, but there would also be no such things as forgiveness and generosity.

So my challenge here is to stop thinking I do or don’t deserve something, and start thinking about what I really want, and what I’m willing to do to get it. Want to join me? Leave a comment here and let’s start a discussion.

Independence from The Man

But the third kind of independence is the one that actually looms largest for me this year, and I know it’s important for many of you too. I’m talking about financial independence, starting with independence from having to have a job.

I was asked recently if my son’s entry into kindergarten this fall (see parental joy and heartbreak, above) would free me up to finally get a real job, and I was frankly horrified.

The idea of spending any amount of time, let alone eight hours a day, in service to someone else’s goals, with no ability to make more money than my employer deems appropriate, and no job security? Laughable.

I fully realize that writing that sentence, in public view on the internet, makes me unemployable. And I say, bring it on. I positively relish being unemployable. Because honestly? I suck at being an employee. The views I just expressed have come from eight years of not having a day job, and growing into the idea that I’m a real, live business owner. And I think it would be really difficult (impossible, really) to un-grow that perspective. To stop wondering, “Is there a better way to do this?” and go back to “How do I fill my time until 5pm?” That sounds like death to me.

Which means I’ll embrace my independence from the complacency and false security of “having a real job” until I’m down to my last nickel.

Naomi Dunford is changing the world by helping 1000 people quit their jobs this year. I don’t qualify because I don’t have a job to quit, but I’d sure love to help her with that goal by pointing . If you like the idea of quitting your job, you may want to read the article she wrote last fall called Why We’re Broke and How to Fix It, which is a clarion call to declaring independence from the soul-sucking corporate machine.

Happy Independence Day, America. Happy Independence, my fellow small-business owners. May you get not what you deserve but what you truly want.
–Wendy Cholbi, your friendly neighborhood swim-goggle-wearing technology-to-English translator

Related posts:

1. Disguised Learning, or Real-Life Business Tree Roots
2. Taking a bite out of the Deadly Carrot of Fear
3. Help save my diabetic cat and send my kids to college!